


Jakey P, NYPD and Aspiring Rapper

by feeisamarshmallow



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Jake at Camp, Sorta a crossover, Tumblr Prompt, the lonely island
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 16:41:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feeisamarshmallow/pseuds/feeisamarshmallow
Summary: In which Gina discovers a tape of Jake from summer camp days. She has to show the squad teenage, camp-counsellor Jake rapping, right?





	Jakey P, NYPD and Aspiring Rapper

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by [ this post on tumblr ](https://feeisamarshmallow.tumblr.com/post/187337452823/a-lonely-island-b99-episode-where-someone-finds) , which asked for a The Lonely Island x Brooklyn Nine Nine crossover, in which the squad discovers old videos of Jake rapping. Other inspiration was taken from [ this video of Andy Samberg performing at camp ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=73&v=Rapjuqw-RgU), [this Lonely Island Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRlIDIu2qpg), and [ this extensive collection of camp counsellor Jake headcanons](https://feeisamarshmallow.tumblr.com/post/183723942848/some-b99-camp-counsellorjake-headcanons).

“Attention everybody.” Gina stands up from behind her desk and waits for attention of the detectives. “I was at my at my mother’s house last weekend cleaning out my most prized and cherished possessions and I came across something that would interest you all.”

“That’s debatable,” says Amy under her breath. She turns around in her chair and continues checking her email.

Gina continues. “It involves my good childhood friend Jacob Peralta, and a very bad rap song. It’s almost blackmail-level material, but I have chosen to share it all with you.”

“Hah count me in,” Rosa says.

Gina flounces to the break room where Charles has set up a projector and screen. The rest of the squad trickle in. No Jake yet though, but he’s notorious for coming in late on Mondays. Gina produces a memory stick from her pocket and plugs it into the laptop. She’s just about to click play on the file when Captain Holt walks in the break room.

“Detectives. What are you all doing in the break room at—“ Holt checks his watch, “—8:35am?”

Amy looks at her lap, avoiding Holt’s eye contact and fidgeting with her sleeve. Boyle looks sheepish and Terry starts to stutter an apology.

“With all due respect Sir, I’m about to show you possibly the most embarrassing video of Jake, and that’s considering all the videos I have from his ska phase.”

Holt looks at her, skeptical.

“Three words. 1999. Summer camp. An original rap masterpiece.”

“Technically that’s five words and a date.”

Gina raises her eyebrows, finger poised over the mouse.

“Fine, proceed. I am sufficiently curious.” Holt takes a seat on the couch and crosses his legs.

Gina presses play. A grainy video comes into focus, lines across the screen eventually giving way to footage of two teenagers in matching t-shirts sitting off to the side of a roaring campfire. One of them, with chin-length blonde hair, has a guitar across his knee. The other has a fake, plastic microphone in his hand. He has shoulder length brown, wavy brown hair pulled back with a bandana, and what appears to be a nose ring glinting in the firelight. It’s Jake.

The blonde teenager starts strumming on his guitar and the camera pans out to show row of children sitting around the fire. Jake stands up and brings the microphone to his face with a flourish.

“Alright y’all. How many of you are ready to hear a rap…” he pauses for dramatic effect, “masterpiece?”

A few of the campers cheer.

“This is an original song by none other than Jakey P and D-Man.” Jake runs across the makeshift ‘stage’ area in front of the campfire, hyping the crowd.

“It’s got a real easy chorus. So I want everyone to sing along. Can you repeat after me?” Jake holds the microphone towards the audience.

“Can you repeat after me?” The crowd of campers echo.

_“Incredible thoughts…”_ Jake bellows, but it doesn’t betray the fact that he has a decent voice underneath all his acting.

The campers repeat his line.

_“Incredible minds… I’m so overwhelmed…How did my brain conceive them?”_

With the chorus taught, Jake launches into the rap verse. He’s bouncing around the stage, copying every stereotypical ‘rap’ hand motion possible.

_“A snow white dove in the pitch-black night. A rain drop falls from tremendous heights. A wave crashes off of a cliff in Scotland. A child bites an apple, but the core is rotten.”_

As Jake is rapping, another counsellor bounds across the stage with props: A stuffed bird, a water bottle dumped on Jake’s head. An apple tossed to the guitarist who dramatically takes a bite between strums. The campers are into the performance and Jake motions for them to clap along.

They get to the chorus and after a bit of prompting the campers are singing along with Jake. He lets the campers take the final chorus by themselves before applauding and yelling, “That’s been Jakey P and the D Man, we’ll see you again tomorrow night!” and then the tape abruptly cuts into static.

There’s a beat of silence in the precinct, and then Captain Holt bursts out into guffaws of laughter. The rest of the squad look around, unsure, before Rosa joins in, actually letting herself smile, and then Gina, Amy and Charles join too.

At the moment, Jake walks in the room.

“Hey guys, what’s so funny?”

“Don’t be mad,” Charles says wiping tears out of his eyes, “but Gina found a video of you from your camp days.”

“You were,” Captain Holt has to pause to collect himself, “rapping.” He holds in his laughter for a few seconds until he can’t anymore.

“No way! Gina you found my Jakey P and the D Man tape?”

“You’re not mad?” Gina asks.

Jake shakes his head, excited.

“You’re actually not that bad,” Amy says.

“Jakey P and the D Man were legendary at camp. Let me see it!”

Gina presses replay on the computer and the whole video starts again.

_“Incredible thoughts…”_


End file.
